BY BRIANNA ALLISON
I had no idea that the last time I would spend time and hug my grandparents would be when I said goodbye to them on New Year’s Day.
With the busyness of the semester, my only communication with my grandma and pap was over FaceTime. Now due to the COVID-19 pandemic, nothing has changed.
My aunts, uncles, and parents decided that it was in our grandparents’ best interest to not see them as soon as the coronavirus started to spread, especially since they were in an age demographic getting hit hard.
Plus, my pap has a lot of health risks such as heart disease, a blood disorder and diabetes. The fact that he recently had pneumonia only made him a higher-risk victim.
But the worst disease Pap has is dementia.
Some days he is really worried about the health of our family and keeping our family businesses running. The next, he is angry that none of us are visiting him.
My grandma gently reminds him of the pandemic and he says he understands. But hours later, he asks her if they can go out to dinner.
He can’t remember what’s happening in the outside world.
The hardest part about not seeing him during this pandemic is that his memory of me and my family members are slowly deteriorating as each day goes by.
My grandma, Donna Sembower, believes that the visits, 6 feet apart in their garage, and talks on FaceTime are helping him retain those memories of us. However, she can also see that Pap is depressed —making each day with his fading memory a challenge.
My mom, Terri Allison, said it’s obvious that Pap is having a hard time with his illness during COVID-19, but my grandma is struggling just as much with Pap’s dementia.
“None of us can help her or give her a break from the everyday struggles with my dad,” my mom said. “One day, my dad decided he was going outside to clean up his neighbor’s yard. He fell and broke four ribs. My mom had to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital herself because we didn’t want to be around them.”
His injuries made him even more immobile, but my grandma claims his resting didn’t last very long because he couldn’t sit still.
“He keeps himself busy by doing laundry, playing cards, and watching TV,” my grandma said. “I try not to put the news on around him though because he gets worse. We watch a lot of Christian programming which is a big help for both of us.”
Grandma says she relies on her strong faith to help her with Pap every day. She’s always reminding each one of us that God has a plan.
Seeing my pap like this is hard because sitting around and doing nothing is not him.
For as long as I can remember, Pap was constantly busy.
He was either running both of his businesses, working on projects at the properties he owns or helping anyone that needed him.
Now, due to his dementia, he can’t drive. And COVID-19 is forcing him to stay at home all day, filling the silence with stories from his past.
He talks about his dad. His childhood. Old job sites that he worked on.
Sometimes, he even talks about a car that was totaled in an accident four years ago.
But he can’t remember what’s happening right now.
On May 23, he will turn 80 years old.
As his birthday approaches, our family is getting more and more concerned about the time we have left with him before his knowledge of us slips away.
“My dad’s memory is fading fast and we are losing valuable time with him and my mom,” my mom said. “My fear is even after May 8, or whatever date the governor chooses, we still will not safely be able to spend time with my parents. When the time comes and it is considered ‘safe’, it may be too late. We will never get back the time we have lost with them.”
At the start of the pandemic, my family’s only concern was my pap getting infected by the virus, but now we are realizing that even safe in his own home, this virus is still taking him from us.
For now, my family continues to remind Pap how much each one of us loves him from the socially safe distance of 6 feet away in the garage.
But we’re really just longing for a hug from him one more time.